Closet and it's skeletons ...

Her hands are wet, Not good ... For me ... Clumsy ... It can slippppppp !!!

The ugly looking lizard was completely still on the door as if it was bolted to it . It was looking straight ahead into infinity and didn't seem to move at all. As good as dead to me . The plants looked as if they have not been watered since ages , the withered remains of the dense network of branches and the dropped yellow leaves hinted of a promising lush green past . Neglect does that to things, be it plants or relationships !
Interesting view, windows are mostly draped I can see through a narrow slit between two curtains. The living room is visible, some part of the dining as well , there is a candle on the dining table , a red candle. It's almost noon but the whole house is submerged into total darkness. It's not a power outage ! I can see movement , What is that ??? I can see her sitting on a chair facing the candle . She is in a red colored gown, her shoulder length hair are all over the place , total mess , weary eyes, dark under eye circles suggest sleepless nights ( doing what ? I wonder )  I can see other things on the table , a knife,  a lemon , somebody's framed picture . Why is the lemon red ??? Is it her blood ? I felt my pulse rising , Transfixed ... I lost her ! She was looking at the picture now she is gone ... Where is she ... She suddenly appears between the curtains , She is at the window I think she saw me  !!!! I hear the door being cranked open in a hurry ...... Shucks am I made out ?

Wind ... A strong one ..... Push ... And Off .... Again ..

Am i thankful or not ... I almost had a heart attack ,
This one has some undraped windows , even the door is ajar . Brightly lit rooms. I can see a woman, nice to see some real people who don't look crazy. She is dressed nicely , She keeps checking herself in the mirror .Looks like she just got ready to go somewhere ... Or may be someone is visiting ? Seems like a house of a young couple . I see some pictures of the married couple by the corner table .Nice looking couple .There are fresh flowers on the table . The door bell rings, she seems excited and anxious .More excited than anxious is what I read . On the way to the door she passes the full length mirror , pauses , takes one final look at herself, a seductive smile , she is pleased with herself ! She is beautiful indeed. She reaches for the door . Some one comes in I cannot see who ... A small joyful shriek from the woman . Looks like he got her flowers , I hear her swooning , I can see a warm embrace , getting warmer , She has her arms around his shoulders , his on her waist .. Snuggling ... The embrace is growing into a right hug by the second ... He swings her, as she swivels on her heels , she closes the door behind them without taking her eyes off him . The bouquet falls off her hand, they don't bother to pick it up either . I finally get to see the lucky man . Wait it minute !! He is not the same man as her husband ! The man in the house is not the same as the one in the picture on the corner table .

"What took you so lonnnng ?" Smiled and complained the woman.
"I am sorry, you know how she is, always nagging and started a fight over spilled milk in the morning , it's with great difficulty that I managed to calm her down. She was after my poor mothers life !"

"I hate her !"

"I hate her too !"

"A man like you deserves better ! ... Forget her now that you are here honey .. I love this blue shirt by the way ! So happy to see you like the shirts I pick out for you ..."

"I love your ......"

The words died as they moved into the bedroom.  I cannot see them anymore nor can I hear anything . People and their emotional , physical needs .

Hey little bird ! What do you want ? Hey ! Stop hopping around ... Don't come close .. Hey ... Here I go again :( !!! What a day ...

There is a wind chime at the door , it is not alone , it has gush of wind to keep company . The round wooden disks held by the tattered threads are rocking in the wind but are not rocking enough to make contact with the metal cylinders in the chime ... There is movement but no sound , like there is "life" but it's not "Alive" ! The curtains are open and so is the door , a rocking chair is kept outside along with some young child's toys . I can see the living room , an old woman  , must be in 70s , walks in slowly . She carries a sad face . Her dress hints at her being a widow. She pulls herself a chair and is about to slump on it , when another woman barges in shouting at top of her voice .

"What the hell is happening ? Where do you think you are going ? The dishes are yet to be cleaned ? "

"I am just trying to have my medicines, also I had ironed the white shirt, what did my son wear to office today ?" Said the old woman in a low voice .

"Now I keep track if what your son wears ! Don't I have better things in life ? I think I saw him go out in the blue shirt... Which I don't even know when did he buy !!"

Harassed mother in law and a nagging wife , no wonder he is finding solace in someone else's arms . The toddler came crawling to find his toys ...

Hey stay away I am not your toy , you will not be able to handle me ... Stay awayyyyy
Here I go again ....

The scene here is very somber , people are weeping and are huddled together. There are some women who are inconsolable . There are medics around , an ambulance but it seems it's not going anywhere . Who ever it was it's too late for him it seems . People are talking , the man who has passed away was a  big business man he also used to regularly operate a pawn shop. Seems many people owed money to him . There is his immediately family . I can see a very young child and a young wife too. Too bad I feel ...
I haven't seen his face yet, people are saying it was a sudden heart attack . I am outside and right now in a total mess in household dirt and body hair , it seems the toddlers hairs in which I am intertwined . I mange to take a look at the man when he is being brought out. To my horror it's the same man who's photograph I saw on the red woman's table . A chill runs up my spine a I look upwards ... I can see the same woman , her black silhouette with messy hair dangling below . She was looking straight at me . I started getting nervous . Suddenly she shouts out to a boy standing near by.

"Hey kid ! Can you pick that up ? It's mine I dropped it "

I don't want to get in her hands ! Scared .. I cannot even run away .. The kid picks me up and as he starts to move toward the stairs . His friends run Into him with their cycles . Whamm... He slips falls and drops me .. Forgets about me and runs after his friends shrieking and making sounds ..

"Hey Kid !!" shouted the woman from above ...

But he didn't listen and ran away, narrow escape I felt . Time went by I was left unnoticed . As I was thinking about the days events I thanked my stars and wondered about the lives I saw today . Did the crazy woman owed money to this business man ? What had she pawned for her loan ? Suddenly a young boy stopped and picked me up. Worried I was if he was the same kid but he wasn't . While in his pocket I don't realise where he is going .. Some turns some stairs some door bells I hear . I am

taken out and placed on a table . I am still not clean ... But nonetheless I cannot have a worse day than I already had . As I said that to myself .. I noticed the table I was at ... I see the familiar red candle, and the dark room...... My heart sank and then I felt my heart racing . I felt someone standing behind me , and then as if I stopped breathing .. The same red dressed woman was standing , sporting a  wry smile . She reaches out to me and pulls out the hair strand of the young toddler whose father passed away in the morning .. This witch had a son ! And of all the people I had to be picked up by him !

I am just a big red clothesline clip which couldn't hold on to the wire where I belonged !

The Observer

The funny thing about air is, if you don't have enough of it , you can be dead in seconds and if you are caught in a strong wind of Force 10 63 mph , the likes of which is happening right now outside, you can very well be flung several feet in the air. However it's not just windy it's snowing too, the wind is whistling around me, as if asking me to step aside. I see few shadows in an other wise whiteout landscape. The shadows are growing bigger and are moving faster ... RAMMMMM !!! I am flung aside , bunch of people are running....

They say I am built strong but I always feel vulnerable . However I am used to being startled like this, this doesn't bother me as much as the other aspect ....
The nature of my job makes me go through multitude of emotions daily, I feel at times it will eventually take a toll on me. The other night this couple and it's family came rushing,the wife couldn't make the distance she stayed with me, I could see her anguish while she rested her hands on me. I could feel the streams of her tears which were as incessant as her wailing , a few more minutes and she slumped near me. It really breaks my heart as her husband was wheeled away , I don't think he would make it ....

They say I am very transparent in my way of working, even my personality, what is in me one can easily make out. I don't hide things like other people, the other day some one rushed in and ran into me with a chair. I was shaken, It had been some time that i got into any minor hustle .Doctor said i developed some cracks but I will be OK . I was reassured and was back at work.

Given my working timings I don't get to see many people. You can say my love life is almost nothing . However when given a chance I see "Mary" . She is a woman of few words .She never introduced herself ,but I made out her name from her name tag :) I never brought it up and we are you know :) connected. Have mutual understanding .We don't need many words to express how we feel . Mary takes care of me , she pampers me , makes me listen to her sweet whistles when she is .... She is close to me ... :) . I like her hands , they are rugged because she works hard but they feel nice .She is a real woman :)

Over the years I have seen thousands of people . There was an old couple once must be in their 70s husband and wife both exasperated . They had their only daughter a few feet away from them and was in a dire state . She had difficulty in breathin, i did what I do usually I am best in giving protection and support . The mother was inconsolable while the father was trying to put up a brave front. That's what you expect men to do eh ? Be strong  ? Or Atleast look strong ? I felt the hand of a little child not more than 3 yrs old . It was a girl , It was her mom who was inside battling life .The warm hand made me shrivel with pain . Those hands had just wiped dollops of tears off those cherubic cheeks , she was upset because since morning her mama has not spoken to her . The crying was down to paused hic cups ,after effects of crying too hard for too long .My heart went out for this little one and her grandparents .For some reason I didn't see her husband or in laws . Is she a single parent ? Hmmmmmm . I really wished her good health.

When people are not around I enjoy the green trees which are close to my working place . Some times some nice souls sit by me have their coffee and read their favorite books .. At times i try to take a peak in to what they are reading :) ... Remember my small accident ... They say those cracks gave me a new perspective or as i like to put it .. It gives me a character .. Like a nicely done tatto adds to some ones character .. These marks were mine to show off :)

One night .... It was a fateful night atleast for me ... An over zealous driver came too fast and too close by the time brakes would have been applied the front had almost ran through me ...when i think back I am surprised how I managed to survive .. I suffered major injuries but was still able to stand .... like they said I was built strong ! ... However It was decided that it's not safe for me here any more .... I had to lose some part of my body during the operation and transfer .... Because some damage couldn't be recovered ....

I was relocated .. At times you may feel , gross injustice has been handed out to you ... What you should keep in mind is that you cannot fathom the repercussions of any event completely ... Things pan out in time ... And some point in time you even tend to thank your stars coz had it not been for that unpleasant choice you would not have been doing something different and even enjoying it ........ Had it not been for that accident I would not have seen such happy times ..... Tiny tots laugh giggle and jump around all day ... I see their wards with smiling faces ...

The funny thing about air is .... It looks great when it's inside a balloon and it looks even better when you blow up soap bubbles ....

I don't protect the emergency doors any more .... This glass door now keeps the kids safe in the attendants waiting lounge :) I observe them while they are at their happiest .....

Deafening Silence

It seemed to be a quite day , not unusual for this part of Moscow , it has just rained , and it's still overcast ..... It's kind of appalling or god has just cast a sad spell .....a Very ...... Very sad spell .. there are very few vehicles on the junction .. As one walks by ... one can see the reflection of the dark clouds on the tall glasses of the pre revolutionary buildings ...... Perched nonchalantly on the sill of a closed window , a small magpie ... hops along the length of the ledge as if trying to escape the growing dark clouds appearing on the reflecting surface of the window ..magpies last hop takes her over the ledge she escaped the dark shadows much like what some humans resort to , but unlike the magpie they don't take the safe haven flight .... Hmmm ... Down at the street the wrinkles on the road have started to give away the city's age .... The undulating surface had created small pools of water close to the pavement ....  Egnor was standing close to such a pool looking at his own face .... Disheveled hair ... A weary face carrying a stubble , Hands in pocket .... Looking down as if that pool of water was the deepest lake in the world and those eyes were trying to find some unknown meaning in that water ....

Egnors trance is broken as the tranquility of the pool is disturbed by splashes of water .... His face dissolves into the buildings behind him  ... As he watches the city bus's front left tyre roar into the bus stop .... The hydraulic breaks screeching bringing down the diesel beast to a crawling halt ...the engine still humming eggs Egnor to move ... He stumbles along and reaches out to board the bus ...

There are not many souls on the bus ... Infact there are only six people .. Egnor takes the seat right in the front and glances back .... There was a Middle Aged woman dressed in smart casuals , her reading glasses gave her a studious look .. Another guy with his hood and ear plugs had his head down and was rhythmically gyrating to the unknown sound from his music player ..... The only thing significant about this bus was the unremarkable last seat which hosted three teens ... All three teenagers were exceptionally beautiful .. Perhaps stunning was the right word and three of them were engaged in such a boisterous conversation that they were totally oblivious of the world around them ....

The bus had started rolling forward all egnor was able to make out the girls were very excited ...... He could just see them but couldn't hear as they were far back .. Egnor for some reason couldn't take his eyes off the girls ... he turned around ... Put his right arm over his seat and nestled his chin close to his elbow and looked dead straight ..... The girls were immaculately dressed , they belonged to a school as was evident by their crisp blue  and white uniforms .... Two of them were blondes and one had auburn hair ... They were throwing their hands in the air ... like crazy and were anxiously looking at each other's faces as if they were trying to reach ahead of each other's thoughts and anticipate what one was about to say ..... So much happiness so much joy so much exuberance so much ....... Life .... Their conversation was like a lone lamp with a withering wick bearing the burden of hope in an otherwise stormy dark gloomy night ....

Egnor couldn't bear so much joy ... It has been two days that he spent pacing up and down the corridor of Emergency at the General Medical Hospital .... He didn't sleep , barely eaten anything for last two days ...... His wife left him 10 yrs ago , he was away to pick up their daughter from the play school ... 3 yr old Tyra was clinging on to his fathers little finger and was hopping back to home ... She always liked "hopping" as she felt she was a kangaroo :) .... Egnor and Tyra were welcomed by a pink note on the main door ..... "I am sorry" was all the was scribbled in a hurry ..... That morning was the last time Egnor saw his wife ....

A single parent and as a father Egnor had raised her daughter with lot of love .... Two days back 13 yr old Tyra met with an accident ... She was crossing a street when an over zealous teen overlooked her and rammed her coupe into her .... A teenager was behind the wheel infact the two girls were high they shouldn't have been in that car in that stage .... Infact Tyra shouldn't have been on that street at that hour ... She was walking back from the public library that evening ... Tyra was an avid reader when Egnor found her back in the hospital her belongings had a bookmarked "Saving Zasha" .. Will she be able finish that book ? Wondered Egnor ... It has been two days that Tyra is in coma along with Tyra, Egnors life also seem to have come to a pause ..... So many could haves , should haves , would she , if only's ....

The gargantuan diesel machine met with a speed bump which jolted Egnor back from the flashback .... These three girls with their exuberance were at total contrast to what Egnor was feeling ....and Egnor was now getting miffed ... His stressed red eyes squinted a bit ...he gripped the seat handle a bit tighter .. A frown started to develop ... "What are these girls talking about ehh ..... Boys ? .... My boyfriend is an  all star athlete ? What's your into ? Prom Night ? What will you be wearing ? What where and who did they party with last weekend ?" What is it that's so exciting ? Why are you so happy ? Why are you smiling and laughing ... When I am NOT ?? When my Tyra is not .... !!!

His eyes swelled up a little ..... The bus was grinding to another halt .. He got up before it could stop .. Stumbling to hold on .. Egnor fell down the bag in which he was carrying Tyra's belongings fell open ... "Saving Zasha" slipped out and bounced open .. The bookmark flew out as if it had its own wings ... Egnor watched that bookmark fly with that he felt his hopes sinking .... The bookmark fell in the laps of that studious looking lady ... Egnor got up ran after it and reached her ... She smiled and asked are you Ok ? Handing him back the bookmark .... Egnor took the bookmark startled by the fall and still was in agony over the thoughts of those happy girls and their discussions ... The bus had halted ... And people started to disembark .. He saw the three girls also still giggling and walking down to get off the bus ... When the three were down the studious looking lady followed them and stood close to them ... Egnor realized she was with the girls .... Putting his bag back on his shoulder and book and bookmark still in his hand ... He approached her ... "Excuse me are you with these girls ... I am sorry but I couldn't help notice the energy levels and excitement of the kids what are they talking about ? " ..... "Talking ??" The lady was surprised as she took a look at the pretty girls and back at Egnor ... "My dear , these lovely girls .. unfortunately are deaf and mute .. They belong to an orphanage and today is the first day that they have been given a chance to participate for "Talkable" , a technology which  allows not just the hand gestures to be translated but the sensor close to their throats estimates the vocal cord movement to guess the words .... they are practically hearing each other for the first time ..."

The girls just stood there and smiled at their teacher and the stranger ... The stranger just managed a wry smile and a wave of hand .... Trying to say hi .... The magpie seemed mto have followed Egnor and the bus round the block ... The chirpy bird quietly settles near Egnor .... His phone rings..... It's from general medical .... He listens to the call ... Puts the phone down .... Opens Tyra's book and places the bookmark on the first page ..... The magpie starts chirping again and flies back to another ledge .... Eagerly waiting for the dark clouds to give way to a ray of sun .....


Notes

Apart from a bird , a magpie is also used for an incessantly talkative person; noisy chatterer; chatterbox.

Pre revolutionary buildings in Moscow had tall imposing facades with big glass windows .

Saving Zasha is a popular teen novel in Russia

Talkable is currently available under different names but still is at a crude development level .

Reminiscent

It was a regular day… no… it was a beautiful day, we are on the beach, we took off our footwear as soon as we stepped on the moist cold soft gravels of the beach, I tapped my sandals together, dust off some of the clinging sand and put them in a small bag.. did the same with the sandals she was wearing, nice white sleek looking pair. She always had a better taste for such things than I did …. and it has been long since she picked a new pair…

The sun was playing hide and seek with the clouds, as if it knows I am on the beach and is egging me to play with it… I was tempted, had it been the time we were dating, she would have taken off and I would have been chasing her on the beach, when years rolled by we still used to have a quick run and chase routine as soon as we used to step on the beach.. and then took time to pick off the sand from between each other’s toes , tickle and have a laugh…... a gush of wind broke my train of thoughts, I looked at the hand I was holding.. and proceeded towards the two chairs. The two chairs were kept few feet from the rising tides, the chairs were kept within kissing distance of the tides, it was always her idea….. as if to challenge the incessant frothy waters…. “Here I am, if you want to get me, put some more effort ….”. With that thought I held her hand more tightly, but I made sure it was a snug hold, not too tight….. you know the kind of care you take during a pooja and cradle that freshly lit diya in your hand which is filled to the brim with oil, you may be an atheist but you somehow make sure that the oil is not be spilled and the wicker is not to be exhausted..


We moved over to the two seats, I made her sit on the right , she relaxed into the chair with a slight exhale. When I was sure she was snug in the chair I stepped back.. she looked straight at me… the sight was not of excitement, not of a knowing mischief , not of a surprise she had planned for me and certainly not the teary look which I must confess we had more than a few occasions in our married life… the sight was .. as if she was looking through me. I stepped aside and the evening sun fell on her face and made it glow.. she still looked beautiful…… she never liked too much jewelry , just a set of simple tops and a silver chain today … glistened in the sun, I stepped aside and sat down on the other chair.. the last time I saw tears in her eyes were when we lost our only son.. he was 16 and it was his birthday… I had gifted him his favorite motorbike…. He insisted to take it out immediately … as he moved few feet away from the house….a roaring truck just ran over him……. A kite took off right in front of me… the whiz in the wind snapped me back in the moment.. my eyes followed the red kite… which steadily rose against the sea breeze.. the color now turning black as it goes higher…. Something happens and string snaps…. the kite continued its trajectory for a few seconds unaware of the cord been snipped , few seconds later it was just floating in the air….. just like .. any other piece of paper….


I took her hand again and slowly caress it… she doesn’t take notice and still looks ahead to the rising tides… the sun is pretty close to the horizon , the sea now looks like its made of liquid gold…. I remember when we used to come to the beach earlier.. and when she used to look at the sea , we often used to argue that when we grow old will we still come to the beach , I used to say no I want to retire at a hill station, and she insisted close to beach.. we are over 60 now… and she did win… but I lost…. She doesn’t remember me anymore. She is suffering from Alzheimer, doctor says the loss of my son accelerated the deterioration.. I am alone despite her being next to me…

Note : There are 4 crore elders in India suffering from Alzheimer’s disease Hindu Post on Alzheimer in India

An Object of Desire

I was on the plush back seat of a Honda Accord, I don’t recall the exterior color but the beige inside exude luxuriant. I don’t remember when this was bought; I may not have been around when it was purchased…. Well… who cares.. as long as I am being driven around.. I don’t bother to know. I like how I look, I am wrapped in bright colors and if I look in the mirror I can fall for myself…

People in the car are dressed nicely, I can see some shimmer, women seem to be decked ! (Pretentious bit***s ) I too have been nicely made up… Looks like we are going for some ones marriage, every time they go to a marriage, I have to come along, like… as If ... I didn’t have anything better to do..

We have reached the venue, glad we are there, It was starting to get uneasy back there…. few folks are coming up to us.. I don’t remember them, in a way I don’t remember anybody I tend to keep away from these “relationships”, I just need to get my stuff nice and proper so nobody talks about sending me back to where I was……. thinking about where I came from gives me shudders.. I don’t want to go back to that dingy dark messy place.. infact I will make sure I never go back there… The person who bought me says I am at a better place and in future I will find a better home… not too sure of that, for now I have to deal with this long evening and the people in it………

I didn’t smile back to the people who had come up to meet us. I see around there are so many people who are just grinning ear to ear… I know it’s a festive occasion but come on… we don’t need to overdo it.. underneath all those tons of jewellery and clothes all are the same.. they want the …… same things.

I found a corner table, I am glad .. from here I can watch the night unfold, there is a champagne glass in front of me, bubbling with the clear wine it … should I.. eh… may I … oh well…. May be I can hold it off for sometime, more over I don’t see good company to enjoy it with.. Two women catch my eye… both are tall , slim I like their hair, it bounces with every step they take, high heels , but too long a lehenga that they are carrying.. not sure the reason as to why are they pinching their lehenga with both their hands, is it actually too long, or they want people to see the new set of heels they got… coz really holding the lehenga with the purse under the left arm and the bejeweled cell phone in the right hand… must not be very comfortable to walk with… anyways.. they at least manage to turn few heads , I see some tough built jocks looking their way and their silly smiles… hmmmm ladies are responding as well, their backs nicely arched making a pleasant posture, hand slightly touching an invisible thread of hair just to make sure its still there, holding the gaze for a moment longer ,closing their eyes a second longer, displaying those long eye lashes and looking away as if the people gaping at them don’t exist……Nice..… Indian Marriage… you are meant to strut here… isn’t it…

I see the Bride’s Mother… she has a mixed expression of suppressed exasperation and joyous feeling for triumph, there is another aunt who doesn’t seem too pleased but is desperately trying to show otherwise… and why not so.. her daughter is a “full year” elder and yet to be married….!!!

Then there is this eternal Casanova, who comes to marriage parties only to “get lucky”, shuns marriage altogether, refers himself as a free horse and maintains that marriage is for others.. However he doesn’t seem so macho when he runs into his “ex” who still looks gorgeous with twins and a decent well to do husband to tug along. Mr Casanova grips the glass he is holding in his right hand a little too hard and shifts his weight from one foot to another…. I see him slightly nervous… he seems to be enjoying the presence…. No… not her ex’s presence.. but strangely the twins…... I am beginning to doubt who the real father is here…. Hmm….. another skeleton another closet…

Long evening… its slowly coming to an end with Sanskrit vows with I bet neither of the couple understands but are still taking them… I have been moved to a new place somewhere inside the house.. it looks like I will have to be kept waiting…. As usual the people who brought me here are leaving without me.. I see the bride … she is being led to the bedroom… it’s a full hour later that the groom turns up… sudden hush and lots of giggles with a bevy of young girls exiting the bedroom like a swarm of bees off the hive.. quiet again… hmmm.. the door is closing .. I realize I am outside the bedroom.. it would have been so much better if I would have been inside.. like few others are… I know.. who am I to have an opinion.. I don’t even know whats inside me… all I know is that I am a nicely wrapped box , an object which may be desired.. I am not even sure if there is any content in me.. I can be as hollow as most people are… well.. then .. who cares….

Time

If there is anything in this world, which is always persitent, consistent, doesnt slow down, is not tired, is never weary, doesnt wait for any ones approving nod instead moves on,does not take a break, does not feel the need to relax, does not wait to smell the flowers, is unfazed by failure and stoic in success, does not care if things are good or if its otherwise, is impartial,impersonal, indifferent, is aloof despite being part of everything .. is...... Time.

Time is eternal, time is pervasive, time is fair .... Despite being fair it is unusally scrupulous in rewarding those who respect it and blatantly penalizes those who dont. With each movement of the seconds hand on your wrist watch, Time chops away small (equal) chunks of your life, like an efficient woodchuck. Soon you see yourself in the mirror as the guy who has now grown a little old, streaks of white hair start sprouting on your head and you console your self on "growing mature". Hours turn into days, days into weeks and a year goes by without you noticing. Suddenly you are looking at the next new year party and at times with some awe....
gosh the whole year went by!!. When do you think that feeling settles on us ? No! not on the 31st Dec :P ... but when do we feel like cheated or .. wasted.. , thats when we dont respect time for what it is. Time is something which you can never recover. Once gones it stays like that, and do you even remotely think that you have an infinite amount of it ? I dont think so but still most of us have habits which tend to absue time. What do you think happens to someone or something in your life when you start abusing it ? your colleague, spouse or your car ? It runs out of your life faster than you thought... right :) ? Same is with time, moment we start ignoring it, it starts ignoring us big time and races ahead as if its in a 100 m sprint and the 100 mts is a cicular ring than a straight pitch, because it never stops it never reaches the finish line. Hell it doesnt even stop when you are dead..:). So, we should .. try.. i said try not to absue this celestial peice of intangible but quantifiable matter.

Let me make a feeble attempt so this concept is rammed hard in your brain that time is precious (actually) ...For a change.. :) no matter how rich or how poor you are , Time gives you exactly 24 hours a day. I feel surpised why we dont treat these "hours" as precious, perishable quantities ? consider it this way, say you are the Master of yourself... take a second to digest what i said... you are master of yourself, ie picture youself sitting right at your apex behind those eyes.. yes .. where the brain is and consider yourself looking out of those eyes and picture yourself listening through those ears, think like you are detached and you own this body ,its like a giant robot right out of those manga robtos comic books. Now that you have pictured this , assume full responsibility of this robot.This robot like every machine needs to be "maintained" in order for it to be functional. Some greater God considers you a spendthrift and decides to pay you only in limited amounts of 24 "hours" every day, and these are perishable. With every hour gone past you have one less left to work with, so you can do the necessary things required to "maintain" this robot. How would you spend your 24 hours ? may be now with lot of care. With every hour you need to buy a new activity pay more in hours to learn that activity so your robot can be productive. Basically you need those hours to invest in yourself, your relationships, your life and strive towards being a better you.

We always look forward to the next version of any product right ? When is next version of iphone going to be realsed, when is the next version of your favourtive app going to hit the market. when is your favourite author going to write his next novel..... why dont we expect this from ourselves. Dont you think the world around you, esp the people who love, care about you expect to see .2 released ? A better you ? Still with defects and bugs and certain crashes which only God can foresee ;) .. in this new version but definitely this version of you has covered some functional defects :) before turning in to ".2".

Lets kickstart a new you, lets just start with you appreciating time...
[ i just took 5 minutes off your hour] Hope it was well spent :P
Keep Busy.....

Clockwork !

Most people who are in regular jobs will relate to this. Our lives or atleast mine , ( and since i am a very normal next door guy i expect most people would share the feeling ), my life is like clockwork ! but not in a positive way, i feel my life is like a day itself and all my days are replicas, even the weekend would feel like the double replicas of the previous weekends. We keep moving from one chore to another almost as if we are floating....right from getting out of the bed to brushing your teeth, wearing that striped shirt to putting your cell phone in your pocket... tic tac tic tac ... i know you are saying... So ?? what is wrong with that ? whats wrong in getting up and reaching office in time. But i feel that ... wouldnt this kind of life be that of an android ? Going about this routine for couple of years and your imagination will plummet.

Consider this, walk into your imaginative world with me ....imagine taking a wooden stick and walking to a section of a beach with levelled sand. Feel the wind in your face and listen to the faint screeching of distant sea fowls. Look down at the levelled part of the beach you are standing on... Make a symbol in that sand let it be any thing a Swastika or Ying Yang or what ever, may be your names intial letter. Now keep going over and over it. Make that A or S deeper every time, you would realise two things.... One going over and over the same shape is now easier coz its ingrained deeper everytime ! and the stick is oblivious of the surface and is just merry in its small trench, The second thing you would notice is that the impression A or S is getting more prominent on the surface. Now pour some water in that trench , see it fill up the symbol you made. where am i taking you ? ... :) To the beach of course... now just stand up and look at the image from a distance you see the swirling water in the trenches.. i draw parallel the levelled sand to our brain and the trench is our core activities which we keep doing in and out throughout the day without even realising.... the water you pored was new information about the world , ideas and thoughts which you pick up inadvertently. But you see the new ideas are not able to make an impact on your brain , they get stuck in your original way of working/thinking. Thats why people say that you see and hear things which you want to, If only we wouldnt have made those trenches, the water would have made new designs both beautiful and ugly but then there would have been a thrill of the unknown, its like this.. you are on a roller coaster ride and there are two scenarios, one you know there is sharp U turn ahead and second you dont know what is being thrown at you, in which case would you be more excited and looking forward to something ?? You know the answer right...

So if only we can make our lives "not predictable". Only if we can get up on the other side of our beds, only if we can break the norms set on us by ourselves. Only if we are conscious of our actions and try to probe upon our own thougths and try to come up with a new way to doing regular stuff. Only if we try to break out of our comfort zone . and you we will see a remarkable change in the way you workl. You may even allow the water stream to break out of the vedges......