Reminiscent

It was a regular day… no… it was a beautiful day, we are on the beach, we took off our footwear as soon as we stepped on the moist cold soft gravels of the beach, I tapped my sandals together, dust off some of the clinging sand and put them in a small bag.. did the same with the sandals she was wearing, nice white sleek looking pair. She always had a better taste for such things than I did …. and it has been long since she picked a new pair…

The sun was playing hide and seek with the clouds, as if it knows I am on the beach and is egging me to play with it… I was tempted, had it been the time we were dating, she would have taken off and I would have been chasing her on the beach, when years rolled by we still used to have a quick run and chase routine as soon as we used to step on the beach.. and then took time to pick off the sand from between each other’s toes , tickle and have a laugh…... a gush of wind broke my train of thoughts, I looked at the hand I was holding.. and proceeded towards the two chairs. The two chairs were kept few feet from the rising tides, the chairs were kept within kissing distance of the tides, it was always her idea….. as if to challenge the incessant frothy waters…. “Here I am, if you want to get me, put some more effort ….”. With that thought I held her hand more tightly, but I made sure it was a snug hold, not too tight….. you know the kind of care you take during a pooja and cradle that freshly lit diya in your hand which is filled to the brim with oil, you may be an atheist but you somehow make sure that the oil is not be spilled and the wicker is not to be exhausted..


We moved over to the two seats, I made her sit on the right , she relaxed into the chair with a slight exhale. When I was sure she was snug in the chair I stepped back.. she looked straight at me… the sight was not of excitement, not of a knowing mischief , not of a surprise she had planned for me and certainly not the teary look which I must confess we had more than a few occasions in our married life… the sight was .. as if she was looking through me. I stepped aside and the evening sun fell on her face and made it glow.. she still looked beautiful…… she never liked too much jewelry , just a set of simple tops and a silver chain today … glistened in the sun, I stepped aside and sat down on the other chair.. the last time I saw tears in her eyes were when we lost our only son.. he was 16 and it was his birthday… I had gifted him his favorite motorbike…. He insisted to take it out immediately … as he moved few feet away from the house….a roaring truck just ran over him……. A kite took off right in front of me… the whiz in the wind snapped me back in the moment.. my eyes followed the red kite… which steadily rose against the sea breeze.. the color now turning black as it goes higher…. Something happens and string snaps…. the kite continued its trajectory for a few seconds unaware of the cord been snipped , few seconds later it was just floating in the air….. just like .. any other piece of paper….


I took her hand again and slowly caress it… she doesn’t take notice and still looks ahead to the rising tides… the sun is pretty close to the horizon , the sea now looks like its made of liquid gold…. I remember when we used to come to the beach earlier.. and when she used to look at the sea , we often used to argue that when we grow old will we still come to the beach , I used to say no I want to retire at a hill station, and she insisted close to beach.. we are over 60 now… and she did win… but I lost…. She doesn’t remember me anymore. She is suffering from Alzheimer, doctor says the loss of my son accelerated the deterioration.. I am alone despite her being next to me…

Note : There are 4 crore elders in India suffering from Alzheimer’s disease Hindu Post on Alzheimer in India

An Object of Desire

I was on the plush back seat of a Honda Accord, I don’t recall the exterior color but the beige inside exude luxuriant. I don’t remember when this was bought; I may not have been around when it was purchased…. Well… who cares.. as long as I am being driven around.. I don’t bother to know. I like how I look, I am wrapped in bright colors and if I look in the mirror I can fall for myself…

People in the car are dressed nicely, I can see some shimmer, women seem to be decked ! (Pretentious bit***s ) I too have been nicely made up… Looks like we are going for some ones marriage, every time they go to a marriage, I have to come along, like… as If ... I didn’t have anything better to do..

We have reached the venue, glad we are there, It was starting to get uneasy back there…. few folks are coming up to us.. I don’t remember them, in a way I don’t remember anybody I tend to keep away from these “relationships”, I just need to get my stuff nice and proper so nobody talks about sending me back to where I was……. thinking about where I came from gives me shudders.. I don’t want to go back to that dingy dark messy place.. infact I will make sure I never go back there… The person who bought me says I am at a better place and in future I will find a better home… not too sure of that, for now I have to deal with this long evening and the people in it………

I didn’t smile back to the people who had come up to meet us. I see around there are so many people who are just grinning ear to ear… I know it’s a festive occasion but come on… we don’t need to overdo it.. underneath all those tons of jewellery and clothes all are the same.. they want the …… same things.

I found a corner table, I am glad .. from here I can watch the night unfold, there is a champagne glass in front of me, bubbling with the clear wine it … should I.. eh… may I … oh well…. May be I can hold it off for sometime, more over I don’t see good company to enjoy it with.. Two women catch my eye… both are tall , slim I like their hair, it bounces with every step they take, high heels , but too long a lehenga that they are carrying.. not sure the reason as to why are they pinching their lehenga with both their hands, is it actually too long, or they want people to see the new set of heels they got… coz really holding the lehenga with the purse under the left arm and the bejeweled cell phone in the right hand… must not be very comfortable to walk with… anyways.. they at least manage to turn few heads , I see some tough built jocks looking their way and their silly smiles… hmmmm ladies are responding as well, their backs nicely arched making a pleasant posture, hand slightly touching an invisible thread of hair just to make sure its still there, holding the gaze for a moment longer ,closing their eyes a second longer, displaying those long eye lashes and looking away as if the people gaping at them don’t exist……Nice..… Indian Marriage… you are meant to strut here… isn’t it…

I see the Bride’s Mother… she has a mixed expression of suppressed exasperation and joyous feeling for triumph, there is another aunt who doesn’t seem too pleased but is desperately trying to show otherwise… and why not so.. her daughter is a “full year” elder and yet to be married….!!!

Then there is this eternal Casanova, who comes to marriage parties only to “get lucky”, shuns marriage altogether, refers himself as a free horse and maintains that marriage is for others.. However he doesn’t seem so macho when he runs into his “ex” who still looks gorgeous with twins and a decent well to do husband to tug along. Mr Casanova grips the glass he is holding in his right hand a little too hard and shifts his weight from one foot to another…. I see him slightly nervous… he seems to be enjoying the presence…. No… not her ex’s presence.. but strangely the twins…... I am beginning to doubt who the real father is here…. Hmm….. another skeleton another closet…

Long evening… its slowly coming to an end with Sanskrit vows with I bet neither of the couple understands but are still taking them… I have been moved to a new place somewhere inside the house.. it looks like I will have to be kept waiting…. As usual the people who brought me here are leaving without me.. I see the bride … she is being led to the bedroom… it’s a full hour later that the groom turns up… sudden hush and lots of giggles with a bevy of young girls exiting the bedroom like a swarm of bees off the hive.. quiet again… hmmm.. the door is closing .. I realize I am outside the bedroom.. it would have been so much better if I would have been inside.. like few others are… I know.. who am I to have an opinion.. I don’t even know whats inside me… all I know is that I am a nicely wrapped box , an object which may be desired.. I am not even sure if there is any content in me.. I can be as hollow as most people are… well.. then .. who cares….

Time

If there is anything in this world, which is always persitent, consistent, doesnt slow down, is not tired, is never weary, doesnt wait for any ones approving nod instead moves on,does not take a break, does not feel the need to relax, does not wait to smell the flowers, is unfazed by failure and stoic in success, does not care if things are good or if its otherwise, is impartial,impersonal, indifferent, is aloof despite being part of everything .. is...... Time.

Time is eternal, time is pervasive, time is fair .... Despite being fair it is unusally scrupulous in rewarding those who respect it and blatantly penalizes those who dont. With each movement of the seconds hand on your wrist watch, Time chops away small (equal) chunks of your life, like an efficient woodchuck. Soon you see yourself in the mirror as the guy who has now grown a little old, streaks of white hair start sprouting on your head and you console your self on "growing mature". Hours turn into days, days into weeks and a year goes by without you noticing. Suddenly you are looking at the next new year party and at times with some awe....
gosh the whole year went by!!. When do you think that feeling settles on us ? No! not on the 31st Dec :P ... but when do we feel like cheated or .. wasted.. , thats when we dont respect time for what it is. Time is something which you can never recover. Once gones it stays like that, and do you even remotely think that you have an infinite amount of it ? I dont think so but still most of us have habits which tend to absue time. What do you think happens to someone or something in your life when you start abusing it ? your colleague, spouse or your car ? It runs out of your life faster than you thought... right :) ? Same is with time, moment we start ignoring it, it starts ignoring us big time and races ahead as if its in a 100 m sprint and the 100 mts is a cicular ring than a straight pitch, because it never stops it never reaches the finish line. Hell it doesnt even stop when you are dead..:). So, we should .. try.. i said try not to absue this celestial peice of intangible but quantifiable matter.

Let me make a feeble attempt so this concept is rammed hard in your brain that time is precious (actually) ...For a change.. :) no matter how rich or how poor you are , Time gives you exactly 24 hours a day. I feel surpised why we dont treat these "hours" as precious, perishable quantities ? consider it this way, say you are the Master of yourself... take a second to digest what i said... you are master of yourself, ie picture youself sitting right at your apex behind those eyes.. yes .. where the brain is and consider yourself looking out of those eyes and picture yourself listening through those ears, think like you are detached and you own this body ,its like a giant robot right out of those manga robtos comic books. Now that you have pictured this , assume full responsibility of this robot.This robot like every machine needs to be "maintained" in order for it to be functional. Some greater God considers you a spendthrift and decides to pay you only in limited amounts of 24 "hours" every day, and these are perishable. With every hour gone past you have one less left to work with, so you can do the necessary things required to "maintain" this robot. How would you spend your 24 hours ? may be now with lot of care. With every hour you need to buy a new activity pay more in hours to learn that activity so your robot can be productive. Basically you need those hours to invest in yourself, your relationships, your life and strive towards being a better you.

We always look forward to the next version of any product right ? When is next version of iphone going to be realsed, when is the next version of your favourtive app going to hit the market. when is your favourite author going to write his next novel..... why dont we expect this from ourselves. Dont you think the world around you, esp the people who love, care about you expect to see .2 released ? A better you ? Still with defects and bugs and certain crashes which only God can foresee ;) .. in this new version but definitely this version of you has covered some functional defects :) before turning in to ".2".

Lets kickstart a new you, lets just start with you appreciating time...
[ i just took 5 minutes off your hour] Hope it was well spent :P
Keep Busy.....

Clockwork !

Most people who are in regular jobs will relate to this. Our lives or atleast mine , ( and since i am a very normal next door guy i expect most people would share the feeling ), my life is like clockwork ! but not in a positive way, i feel my life is like a day itself and all my days are replicas, even the weekend would feel like the double replicas of the previous weekends. We keep moving from one chore to another almost as if we are floating....right from getting out of the bed to brushing your teeth, wearing that striped shirt to putting your cell phone in your pocket... tic tac tic tac ... i know you are saying... So ?? what is wrong with that ? whats wrong in getting up and reaching office in time. But i feel that ... wouldnt this kind of life be that of an android ? Going about this routine for couple of years and your imagination will plummet.

Consider this, walk into your imaginative world with me ....imagine taking a wooden stick and walking to a section of a beach with levelled sand. Feel the wind in your face and listen to the faint screeching of distant sea fowls. Look down at the levelled part of the beach you are standing on... Make a symbol in that sand let it be any thing a Swastika or Ying Yang or what ever, may be your names intial letter. Now keep going over and over it. Make that A or S deeper every time, you would realise two things.... One going over and over the same shape is now easier coz its ingrained deeper everytime ! and the stick is oblivious of the surface and is just merry in its small trench, The second thing you would notice is that the impression A or S is getting more prominent on the surface. Now pour some water in that trench , see it fill up the symbol you made. where am i taking you ? ... :) To the beach of course... now just stand up and look at the image from a distance you see the swirling water in the trenches.. i draw parallel the levelled sand to our brain and the trench is our core activities which we keep doing in and out throughout the day without even realising.... the water you pored was new information about the world , ideas and thoughts which you pick up inadvertently. But you see the new ideas are not able to make an impact on your brain , they get stuck in your original way of working/thinking. Thats why people say that you see and hear things which you want to, If only we wouldnt have made those trenches, the water would have made new designs both beautiful and ugly but then there would have been a thrill of the unknown, its like this.. you are on a roller coaster ride and there are two scenarios, one you know there is sharp U turn ahead and second you dont know what is being thrown at you, in which case would you be more excited and looking forward to something ?? You know the answer right...

So if only we can make our lives "not predictable". Only if we can get up on the other side of our beds, only if we can break the norms set on us by ourselves. Only if we are conscious of our actions and try to probe upon our own thougths and try to come up with a new way to doing regular stuff. Only if we try to break out of our comfort zone . and you we will see a remarkable change in the way you workl. You may even allow the water stream to break out of the vedges......

Perception

The word perception comes from the latin word percepio - meaning "receiving collecting, apprehension with the mind of sensing". The other day i was in a party surrounded by my close friends, during the conversation i tried to recall an old colleague of ours, and i said "Guyz do you remember John ?", as my friends were responding, an unsual sense of understanding started to descend, a simple question like this can lead to such a interesting thought process was something i never imagined,

Jane responded "Oh the quiet one ?"
Samantha queried "Hmm the fair one ?"
Jack quipped "Ah the one with great forward defensive stroke !?"
Adrian inquired "One who always preffered TAZO tea over any other brand ?"
"The romantic guy ?"
"The loner ??"
"The one who had hots for Jemma ?"......

I said, "Guys guys !, all of you may be correct and may be wrong at the same time, he could be the same John or a different person we are talking about" , however i came to realise that say if he is the same person that all of us are describing, how everybody has a very different perception of him and at times at stark contrasts too !, i feel inorder to say some one "the quiet type" one must have attempted to have a conversation more than once ! and to say "the fair one" means they never walked up to the person at all ! but still everybody has a image of this person John, and this image is a strong one.

Its a natural tendency of human beings to correlate and juxtapose different scenarios to come to a conclusion and all of this happens automatically at the subconscious, but i feel if i really want to see what a statue at the centre of the crossroads looks like , i would have to take a walk around it, and not just view it from the road i am standing on, so one should always try to get a more comprehensive picture because it not just helps you understand a person better it also helps you learn so many new facets of his life. Spending time with some one is a important tool i guess, esp with those who you feel are important in your life, always put yourselves in different situations, some life will throw at you and you wouldnt have a choice but to be in them :) , some you should create of your own :) to know how he/she reacts or more importantly how you thought you would have reacted to this new situation. It will be fun ! and i hope your perception about me has evolved ? :)

Agree to Disagree ?

The art of disagreeing, ...... ...... .. The art of disagreeing ???, when did nodding your head sideways became an art ? Amusing it might be , but its true. Do you know people at times get into arguments just for the heck of it, they may not be backing a serious issue which is close to their heart but still they like to get into conversations which lead to more than just altercations. Why do they do that ?, in most cases its the ego that "ecomes" between the man and his self image. So the party involved in the heated argument is more concerned by the fact "How can i go wrong ?" "How can he/she find any mistake in my argument ?" "I know his pedigree, he doesnt have the right to be right! " :) .. we lose the focus on the topic at hand, though we may be right by arguing "for" our argument but still we need to consider the following if we need to evolve and grow more mature in our daily public dealings.

The person in front who has dared to come up against your "opinion" is NOT an empty TIN CAN and nor is he representing any company who sells any of those EMPTY TIN CANS. Why am i suggesting you take such a drastic view ? because like you even a TIN CAN needs R:E:S:P:E:C:T. and i would like you to give him some by NOT considering him a .. a TIN CAN. well ofcourse he can be the tin can you have always liked to play mental games with ... but .. but .. if you hold this stand of giving some respect to the individual you will see "where is he coming from" . He may be wrong but you need to know what premise did he based his "wrong" conclusion upon. Because if you probe with a few encouraging questions you will eventually know the premise of his "logical deduction" , how will that help ? One it helps by reducing the tension in the air, Two you give him respect by taking active interest in his "thought process", three if you now still feel that the premise on which he has based his conclusion is at fault, i would recommend you to attack the premise, and by attack i mean ask him to strengthen his foundation in accordance to you "still probing questions " For example if you dont like ascending ordered list of things, dont push your new list in his face instead go like "what do you think one stands to gain by having a ascending ordered list ?".
Most people if you feel were on a "wrong side" of an argument give away at this test, and now convincing them about your version of the argument is more automatic in nature, and no blood is spilled, the swords are not drawn. :)

Chess - Every move counts

Chess - a fascinating game, has many vivid moves each having their own individual charm, which shows the players wits and brilliance. More than that, it teaches how team work wins the day, how each peice has its own individuality and personality, how it can be made to contribute if it is positioned at a vantage point, all pieces have their limitations too, but when they are orchestrated by a Master, they drum up a harmony .. unmatched.

To me chess represents Life. Life includes our work place and personal space at home. Lets discuss teams at our work place first, and try to formulate the team leaders action plans, much of them can be derived from chess! Its of utmost importance to realise that on a chess board there just cannot be 32 Queens !!. There will be pawns ( half of them :) ) , they are there because they are part of the system, and they are supposed to serve a purpose, a team leads job is determine that purpose. You as a team leader or a person with authority should realise this fact and learn to place this pawn at a place from where he / she supports the whole team in the best way possible. So dont crib and discard the team members who dont seem to be shining stars and have limited imagination.
Then have a look at your rooks bishops and knights.. Know that they have an individual style of working -- as a team lead respect that.. Give them "that space" where they feel free to practice their art. Also note and appreciate the fact that in all probability there will be only one queen in your team :). Use him/her discretely :) be aware of his capacity and also audacity at times. Every time your queen makes a move do keep a margin for his proclivity for exaggeration too.
Doesnt chess teaches us that. We can have wonderful results from a team which does infact consist of all "types" of members, the catch is that the team lead needs to know individual strengths and weaknesses.
What would chess teach me in my personal space at home. It teaches me to have foresight and REALISE that every single CORRECT move that i make today, inches me closer to the final win. Chess inspires me to think that yes indeed its important to win the battles the skirmishes.. if you want to win the WAR. Chess teaches me caution and to be a paranoid to some degree , i never find anything wrong in questioning your own decisions, this doesnt make you a fickle. It helps you improve your original decision. Who said you made a master piece in one stroke ? It takes lot of information , research , opinions, soul searching in order to make a very important decision. So do all that and more if required. A well researched decision will see you travel farther than one taken in haste. Chess also teaches me that you have to pay for what decisions you make, you wholly solely are responsible for the consequences, so.. for example .watch out before you let that scathing sarcastic remark about that person. Words are like Arrows which once out cannot be retrieved.
So that was my check and mate for you. :)